I used to know how to deal with my children. At least, I thought I did. Toddlers were a lot of work but when worse came to worse I could always sit in the floor with them and their toys or pile them up around me on the couch to watch cartoons. Either of those methods would eventually wind us all up feeling cuddled and close after the worst of days.
They're not toddlers any more and I'm so lost. I fail most every day in connecting with them. I can't wrap my head around how they can be so disobedient at times. My patience wears out in a millisecond.
Many people would say that their behavior is age appropriate -- that they're pushing for new boundaries and need to be related to in a different way. I'm sure all of that's true. What's utterly defeating is how clueless I am in playing my role with them in a healthy manner.
My brother and I used to fight and bicker as well as any other sibling duo. I'm sure we drove my mother crazy but I have only two or three recollections of her reacting angrily to it all. How did she manage to run all of her errands, shop for us and for groceries, and NOT wind up wanting to leave us sitting on the side of the road?! And if she did feel that way, how did she ever hide it so well? And, most importantly, why can't I show patience and neutrality the way she did?
Once you become a parent, do you ever have a day that you don't feel you're wrecking a life?!
6 comments:
If I could get my very intellingent daughter to stop flunking 5 of her 6 classes, maybe I could feel like giving advice. But I can't.
It doesn't get any easier with age, does it?
Oh my gosh I think the same way. My mother never seemed to get rattled...but then again I don't think she showed any emotion and that's not good either. I've come to the conclusion that it is better to be real with my kids and let them learn how to be real too.
Great! So once I've got the toddler preschooler thing figured out, there's more? Who said parenting was not using your brain? It's like you have to be one step ahead. I stress about the days to come...so if you figure it out, please share with all of us!! Ok...so once, someone named "Michelle" told me that the fact that I even care about these things makes me a good mom. :)
It's constantly a matter of relearning how to relate to them, and it's never easy. I have a teen and a tween, and we're shaking it up again right about now.
And I think about how I am wrecking their lives every day. But then I think of the days when they have a lightbulb moment or do something kind or smart, and it's worth it.
My mom raised 4 of us, and she was good at it 80% of the time, and screamed the other 20%.
You just do your best and take it a day at a time.
Ruth - I show the love and cuddles at least. I'd like there to be more of that in comparison to my "stop that!".. "go away!" kind of moments.
Kari - lol - YES - you have lots more to look forward to! ;-) I keep asking others that same question - if they figure it out to let me know. I don't think there is a figuring it out. It's a wading through and doing the best we can. And, yes, you love to remind me of that don't you? I'm glad you do! I appreciate it!!
Erin - You're right.. and I know it. I would love to have solid answers to everything in life though. I suppose that's too much to ask isn't it? sheeesh! ;-)
Thank you all - I've appreciated hearing from you. Saturday was just a dreadful day in my parenting efforts. It's nice to hear from others also in the same boat.
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