Alone with my thoughts that I cannot find words to adequately express. Alone with the fear that upon finding the words to expouse, they will fall flat and the feeling of invalidation will exponentially increase.
Validation is a key component to securely navigating through rough emotional waters. Without it I fear I might drown. For an introvert it is safer to stuff down and swallow hard rather than risk expression that will go unheard. The battle between self exposure and self protection again rages wildly.
It has been said of me that I was unteachable and I have spent many years stubbornly learning things "the hard way". With age, I have witnessed depth, steadfastness and courage through the vulnerability of those who have walked ahead of me and shared their experiences in hindsight. I am honored to think of quite of a few brilliant beings that have paused on their journey long enough to share their light with me.
In the midst of the crashing waves at this moment, it is those people and the space they hold to which I am clinging. Words of:
"I've been right where you are. I remember it clearly and I understand completely. " are just enough to give breath to one desperately panicked.
On the shoulders of those who are in my consciousness I hope to rest while I wait for this, yet another, tidal wave to do its damage, perform its purpose, and flow back out into the sea.
